I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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