can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
