when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Of course I have a pirate flag
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize