so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
