So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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