No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize