Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
