girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
