home. puking in laundry basket.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
