I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize