I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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