My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
