Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
