So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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