So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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