is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
