Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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