Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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