my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
