Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
