you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
