So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
