I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
