I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
