kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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