Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
