the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
