Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
