when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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