i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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