Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
