his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Drake has all the answers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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