just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
