He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize