Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
