she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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