guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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