First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
