He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
