Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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