They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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