You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
