I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
