I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize