If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
