Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
