Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
