I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
