Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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