Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
