if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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