Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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