Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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