I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
