There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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