I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
