I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
