Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
