My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
