my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
