She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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