I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
