i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
