Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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