you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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