i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
