I just cut my nipple shaving
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
