Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
