dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
