Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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