he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
