i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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