No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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