This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drake has all the answers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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