i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize