I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
