I haven't been this sober since birth.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
