Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
