The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
