You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
