it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Someone signed my nipple.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
