people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
