Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
