zippers are such a cool invention
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
