between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
