I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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