She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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