I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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