I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
