haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
