Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
