is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
