I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize