well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
