Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
