theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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